Random Moments of Weirdness

10/2/12

"I want toast and cheese!" he exclaims.
"Okay, let me finish cooking dinner," I reply.
"Why are you cooking dinner now?" he asks because it's only 10:30 in the morning and lunch should come before dinner, of course.
"So we can go to the park after school," I answer.
"Yay!"
"Can you get me the cheese out?" I ask about five minutes later.
"Sure!"
I begin toasting the bread and ask without looking at him. "Where's the cheese?"
"It's hiding!"
"Oh, no! I can't cook without the cheese!" My voice is full of fake exasperation.
"Here, it is!" he replies as he pulls it out from under him.
"Yay!" I exclaim and melt the cheese sandwich in the microwave.
"Oh, no! I only have one arm!" he shouts two seconds later from his booster seat. He has hidden one arm behind his back.
"Oh, no! I guess you'll have to eat with your toes..."
"Yep!" he agrees. He switches arms, then says, "I only have one arm again!"
"Hey, that's the other one! I guess you'll have to eat with your elbows," I joke.
"Yep!" Two seconds later he raises both arms into the air and he says, "Look, I have two arms now!"
"Yay! Do you want squares, triangles or rectangles?" I ask.
"Ummm....two triangles, please."

I cut the sandwich diagonally and proceed to roll up his long sleeve shirt in an attempt to save it and not have to change him before school starts. He whines, "Why are you rolling my sleeves up?"
"Do you want to change your shirt again?" I ask because he just had a bath.
"NO."
"That's why I'm rolling up your sleeves. We don't want to get cheese or juice on your shirt, right?" I explain.
"Nope."
I get a cup of fruit out of the pantry and hear more indiscernable whining. "What's wrong?" I ask. "Talk to me. I can't understand that."
Looking devasted, he holds his arms out to me. "My sleeves are up."
"They have to be up." We both sigh and then I ask with hope, "Can we take it off and put it back on after your done?"

He nods slowly and thankfully eats, shirtless.



9/24/12

I'm reclining on the loveseat, mindlessly clicking through one of the million Facebook applications, when child3 comes running in.

Breathlessly, he says, "I want sex!"

Three seconds pass with me staring at him while my mind is rewinding the day in search of a memory of watching SOMETHING on the television that he might have picked that phrase up from. I draw a blank and ask, "What?"

"I want sex! I want sex!"

He's getting all excited now and waves his hand eagerly to dad in the bathroom. I smell the faint scent of Axe body spray and it finally clicks! "Go ask dad", I say with a smile and watch him run and disappear into the bathroom. He slides on his socks back down the hallway to me after a few moments. After sticking his chest out and using what I think is supposed to resemble his best masculine voice he yells, "I'm sexy now!"